This week I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. There simply has been too much to do. On Monday alone, I literally blew through half a tank of gas chauffeuring my five children. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were a little bit better, but not much. By last night, I had reached an all too familiar overload point. It is that unavoidable, terrifying place I find myself when my brain has had enough and begins arbitrarily “flushing things”. The problem is that it does not consult me as to what to flush.

This makes people around me either frown with concern or shake their heads in disapproval.

So this morning, at last, I have moment to breathe. I lay down on my back on my porch swing and looked up to find…

Ahh…God has been waiting for me. He is not shaking his head. He is not frowning. Just waiting.

And his mercies are new.

My oldest daughter, the overachiever, has been busy with overachiever stuff. My oldest son has been busy driving me to my knees in desperate prayer. He’s 16.

My husband is busy working to bring home the bacon, so I can fry it up in a pan.

So the munchkins and I have been exploring. Well…when we are not at track practice.

We have caught tadpoles, frogs, crawfish, and scary insects. We have waded in a river and learned to identify poisonous snakes. We have skipped rocks and roasted marshmallows.

And I have been thinking what a lucky Mom I am. I have also been thinking about adoption and how I can’t really believe I get to be the mother of these two wonderful girls. I have asked myself and God why I should get that privilege when their birth dad was denied it simply because I was born to affluence, and he to poverty. I did nothing to deserve it. Neither did he.

Tara’s recent post on adoption echoed my own struggles. It asked me what responsibility I have to help families an Haiti have the resources to keep their precious children.

As I write this, my oldest adopted daughter sits next to me. She is beautiful, kind, and a gifted athlete. She won three gold medals at the track meet last weekend. I was there to cheer her on, and to celebrate her victory.

I’m so, so thankful this sweet girl is mine.

But I’m so sad that she became mine at such a terrible cost.

Chris Rock is everywhere these days laying the groundwork for his new documentary, Good Hair.  He has seemingly thrown open the door to every African American beauty salon, and beauty supply store in the country, exposing to the masses what has long been only discussed in the privacy of black culture.  There are those that feel it has been a limited discussion even in that venue.

I recently had the honor of discussing the black hair culture in America with Dr. JoAnne Cornwell, and she feels the conversation is long overdue.

Dr. Cornwell is an Associate Professor of Africana Studies and French at San Diego State University.  Her extensive research of

Dr. JoAnne Cornwell

 African descended cultures worldwide has given her a unique understanding of how deeply hair issues effect cultural identity in African American culture.  This rich grasp of the history of her people, combined with her personal family history in the hair care industry, inspired her to begin her own company, Sisterlocks.  Her book, That Hair Thing, is due to be re-released to coincide with the opening of Chris Rock’s, Good Hair on October 9^th.

Dr. Cornwell is a well respected expert in natural hair care.  She has toured internationally as a lecturer and consultant, and is the recipient of the natural hair care industry’s 2009 S.E.L.F. Image Award.

SG:  The Sisterlocks method has had such a profound impact on black hair styling.  I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the new movie.  Have you had an opportunity to screen it?

AC:  No, I haven’t.  There were no screenings near me.  It (the movie) definitely highlights that there is a real issue here for black women.  The issue really does need to be brought to the forefront.  I have found that this topic comes up occasionally when there is something big.

SG:  Considering your personal journey and life’s work, you must have been excited to see this subject in the media on such a large scale.  What are your hopes for the movie?

AC:  I can’t say I have hopes because, I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but generally when people in main stream do this, they do not consult people in the natural hair care industry.  They do not get into all of the solutions that have been developed and the whole subculture of black hair.  Some of the things they pose as dilemmas are really not dilemmas anymore.  They are not heavy on solutions.

SG:  Just last week, I received a press release from an African hair stylist that proclaimed, “Black Women NEED extensions!”  In your book, you said, “I am happy to say that I have grown out of any need I might have to be judgmental about hair styling choices made by individual women”, but any time such an emotionally laden issue is discussed, there is the possibility of controversy.  What are your hopes for the way the African American community receives this movie, and handles any differing opinions that arise in the discussion it produces?

AC:  I do hope that it will start a far reaching dialogue.  That is the best thing that can come out of it.  There are going to be things that some people like or don’t, but as long as the conversation begins, that is good.  I would love to be part of that conversation.  I fully intend to be a part of it.

From where we have comes as a culture, I know we need to be really honest and forthright about why we do what we do.  We need to discuss why we are satisfied with the options that don’t really work.

SG:  I had the opportunity to read portions of your soon to be re-released book, That Hair Thing.  The first two chapters discuss your own hair journey at length, while contemplating the larger issue of black America’s self concept when it comes to hair.

In chapter two, you paint a picture of a mother preparing her daughter for school:  the braids, beads, and Vaseline…Then you said, “By three o’clock, our daughter has learned from her new mainstream environment that the stuff on her head is not exactly hair, she is greasy, and she has no sense of style.”

This resonated with me because I have found it frustrating to work so hard to instill into my daughters an acceptance and love for their hair only to find it so quickly compromised by their school environment.  I have had one daughter rip Zulu knots from her hair half way through the school day.

Once, my youngest daughter said to me, “Mommy, when I grow up, I want to have hair like…” and she named four little white girls from her class.  I said, “Honey, those little girls are all white.  God made your hair curly, and it is beautiful…”  It is so hard to counteract.

What advice do you have for mothers as they combat this issue in their daughters?

AC:  (If it is a white mother of a black child) try to find a black woman who can help you along.  It is helpful to have an environment where other black people are okay with their hair.  The mothers need to educate themselves (about black hair).

(If it is a black mother-) Very often as African Americans, if we live in black communities and don’t have a lot of exposure to white people, we may not feel as comfortable checking out the environment and being present.  However, if a mother escorts her child to school and sees that everyone is not like that child, she will be better able to help her daughter.  It is the responsibility of the parent to protect that child and to understand the environment.  It is important to provide the child with as much information as possible as to what they are getting into.

Check in with the child.  If the child is experiencing some kind of emotional battering-know this.  Overall, the principles of good parenting apply here.

The problem is that it is often invisible that black women’s hair is different.  We hide our natural hair texture.  As long as it is going on in families, these girls are not going to be able to deal with this.  The children have no frame of reference in the home.  She (the child) is receiving from a world that has no understanding of her hair.

SG:  How do parents go about re-instilling self acceptance, and mending broken hearts?

AC:  Our black moms are dealing with their own complexes, so it takes a different kind of work to be prepared to do this.  The conclusion is that we need more information and we need to talk more about these things.  To say, “All hair is good hair” is a slogan.  The reality is that it does not get to the core of why people feel the way they feel about themselves.  It is what we need to talk about before we get to styles.

SG:  By this point, many of my readers are itching to learn a little bit more about Sisterlocks!  On your web-site, you say that the first session can take from 10- 15 hours, and can be split into 2 sittings to make it less strenuous; the average style consists of 400 locks!

How much time does it take to maintain the style, and what is the cost comparison for other hair styles?

AC:  After the style is established, it needs to be tightened every four to eight weeks; four if the hair slips a lot; eight, if it is slow growing and has no issues.  The average is every 6 – 8 weeks.   It usually takes 3 ½ -4 hours to tighten.

We recommend that the stylist charge by the hour.  The low end is $20.00, with the salon price between $35.00 and $40.00 per hour.  The typical fee of $25.00 for four hours of labor is $100.00 every two months, which is less expensive than relaxer.

Sisterlocks are as close to carefree as you can get.  It is your own hair and it is continuing to grow.  You just shampoo it.  If you want to style it, you style it.

SG:  I understand that the best hair for Sisterlocks is tight, coarse hair.  My youngest daughter has very thick, and curly, but not coarse hair.  Would Sisterlocks work for her hair type?

AC:  Possibly.  The procedure we have in place tests the hair before we get into it.  We test not only curl patterns, but whether the shaft is smooth or not.  There are several tests, including a test set of locks.

SG:  Finally, what changes would you like to see in the black community to foster a greater sense of self-acceptance, and pride?

AC:  The professionals need to be retrained and become competent in what we now call, “natural hair care”.  The two sides need to come together, so that it is not so hard to get the issues addressed.  We need to prepare professionals to meet our hair care needs.  While we are seeing a growing number of professionals in our classes, we need the cosmetology side to embrace us.

In closing, I would like to say that I think that what you have done by embracing your daughters is a gift that enriches their lives.  The best thing that ever happened to me was being born black and being born a woman.  We (black women) have such potential for spreading our arms and bringing people into an understanding of what it means to be human in a way people have not contemplated.  One of the things I love about Sisterlocks is that it gives me that opportunity.

I am giving away a great new book by TIME magazine over at my website www.familyofcolor.com  Here is the review:

President Obama:  A Day in the Life of America’s Leader by:  TIME

Did you know…

 The bullet-proof glass of the Presidential limo is so thick that it blocks out almost all outside light?

  What about the purple envelope President Obama receives each morning? 

 That there is an underground passageway to the White House pool?

 TIME for Kids’ new book President Obama:  A Day in the Life of America’s Leader shares countless tidbits like these while walking the reader through a day in the life of one of the busiest men in the world.

 The book wields over 125 pages of beautiful color photographs and fascinating, reader friendly content to illuminate for children not only what is involved in running the largest country in the free world, but what it is like for the first family to live in The White House.

 All along the way, the experiences of past Presidents and First Families are interwoven in the text.  Children will find the pages on past First Children, and First Pets especially intriguing.

 This book is not limited to the President and his family.  It is also a wealth of information on the Presidency, political process, White House, and Washington, presented in a way that is continually engaging for children. 

 Teachers will find it to be a rich resource to which they turn over and over again.

 A Day in the Life of America’s Leader can be summed up in the words of my 11 year old daughter hours after she swiped it off the kitchen counter.  “That book is GREAT!”

 Who knew learning about the political process could be so much fun? 

TIME  for Kids:  President Obama:  A Day in the Life of America’s Leader will be available for purchase October 6, 2009.

 Watch for the link and enter our drawing at www.familyofcolor.com for a chance to win!

Chris Rock with a little girl in a salon

An exposé of comic proportions that only Chris Rock could pull off, GOOD HAIR visits beauty salons and hairstyling battles, scientific laboratories and Indian temples to explore the way hairstyles impact the activities, pocketbooks, sexual relationships, and self-esteem of the black community. Director Jeff Stilson follows Chris Rock on this raucous adventure prompted by Rock’s 5-year old daughter, Lola, approaching him, asking, “Daddy, how come I don’t have good hair?” Celebrities such as Ice-T, Nia Long, Paul Mooney, Raven Symoné, Maya Angelou, Salt n Pepa, Eve and Reverend Al Sharpton all candidly offer their stories and observations to Rock while he struggles with the task of figuring out how to respond to his daughter’s question.
 
Roadside Attractions will release GOOD HAIR on October 9, 2009.

Hello!  I hope this comment gets through to you, even though it comes way after your original post.  I need help!   I brought my daughter home from Haiti 18 months ago, and at first all was well on the hair front.   I learned to braid and take care of her hair.  At least, I thought I did!  Now she has so much breakage that no style looks nice for very long.  I was able to put her hair in puffballs when we first got home, but now her hair looks awful when I do.  It looks OKAY in braids and beads now, but not nearly as clean as when I first brought her home (now her head looks fuzzy from the breakage after just a day).  I used to use those small rubberbands to put her hair in ponytails before I braided it, but I stopped doing that because I was concerned that it was causing the breakage.  I took her to a salon, and they said “sure, she has some breakage, but it’ll be okay…take this product to help.”  It was a deep conditioning treatment that I have been using.  I use Pantene for shampoo, Pantene’s daily oil cream moisturizing conditioner, Infusium leave-in conditioner every day, and olive oil spray.  She sleeps with a do-rag on at night, and I make sure she wears a swim cap when we go swimming.  Her hair is thick, coarse, and VERY curly. What am I doing wrong, and how can I help my daughter look her best???
Thanks for any tips on how to repair her hair.
Casey

Answer:

Of course, there are a lot of things that could be at play here, but I am willing the main culprit is found in the next to last sentence:  “she wears a swim cap when we go swimming…”

Just a couple of days ago, I was speaking to my daughters’ hairstylist, Vicky, about the dangers of pool water when it comes to African hair. 

“Vicky,” I said.  “I finally get it.  I finally understand just how horrible chlorine is for African hair.”

“Oh, yeah”, she responds.  “It is!”

“What I realized, is that I have to wash it with anti-chlorine shampoo regularly, and then follow up with a deep conditioner.  If not, it becomes so coarse, brittle, and dry that I can not even get a comb through it.”

“What I don’t get though, is when I mention anti-chlorine shampoo to my black friends, the vast majority of them act like they have never heard of it.  Is it just a white thing?”  I asked.

“No”, she answered.  “Most just don’t know about it.  Traditionally, a lot of us just avoided the pool’, she said, laughing.

Chlorine is really, really horrible for black hair.  I found out the hard way. 

I personally don’t put a swim cap on my girls because I used to be a swimmer, and what I found is that a whole lot of water gets under the cap anyway.  I find that is is better all around to apply an anti-chlorine shampoo, let it sit for one minute, and then rinse thoroughly.  Follow up with a really good deep conditioner.  One that has always done the job for us is Neutrogena’s Triple Moisture Deep Recovery Hair Mask.

One more note about swim caps…If you are not careful, some caps can actually “hang on” to the hair when you try to remove it.  This could cause further breakage.

Other notes on breakage:

1.  If you use elastics, get the “ouchless” ones, NOT the rubber bands.

2.  When removing elastics, always clip them with a pair of scissors first.

3.  Comb as gently as possible, starting from the end of the hair, working towards the scalp bit by bit.

4.  Use a braid remover cream or spray in conditioner when removing braids and combing hair.

5.  When combing the hair, work with only one small section at a time.

6.  Last, but not least, consider having your daughter’s hair professionally cornrowed for awhile.  This will give it a rest.

I hope this helps!

Sherri

First of all, my girl had very little hair back then. Now, her hair is super thick and much coarser. Secondly, they were kind of sad, and it looks like I threw in a bunch of brightly colored little clips to try to disguise it.

I will never forget that day. My daughter was still in her adjustment period and loved me one minute and hated my guts the next. Her favorite way to vent anger over all of the disruptions of her life was to give me a hard time.

I took her into the bathroom after I finished the rows to show her my work. For just a moment, her face lit up in a HUGE smile, but she quickly recovered to pronounce her judgment…

A snarl of disgust and then…”Pa belle” 

Translation “Not pretty”.

We’ve come a long, long way…..

Here is a picture:

I really believe that as parents of children of color, we need to be proactive in offering them all the tools at our disposal to build strong, positive self-concepts.  We have come a long way as a nation, but unfortunately, we still have a long way to go.  Just this week, an acquaintance made a comment to me that was fraught with negative beliefs concerning people of color.  Worse yet, she knows I have black children, and seemed oblivious to her offense.

Our family loves to read, and I look forward to posting reccomendations on this blog of books that empower children of color.  Occasionally, I will throw in a pick for parents too! 

Here are my first picks.  Enjoy!

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, By: Mildred D. Taylor (ages 9-11)

This is considered one of the greatest children’s novels of all time.  I love this book. 

The Watson’s Go To Birmingham, By:  Christopher Paul Curtis (ages 11-14)

My eldest son laughed out loud when reading it.  Great summer read for middle school aged children.

And…for those of you with younger kids….

The Story of Ruby Bridges, By:  Robert Coles (ages  6-9)

I have read this story to my five children countless times, and it still moves me to tears.  Ruby’s story inspires so many of the characteristics I hope to instill in my kids:  resilience, courage, dignity, and forgiveness.  She is not only the kind of person I want my kids to become, but the kind of person I want to be as well.  Your family will treasure this book.

Solution for itching heading when I get braids.  it appears that I am allergic to the hair.  Nothing works!  Do you have any suggestions?  I am using Benadryl, but am ready to take braids out and just got them in.

Dear Allergic,

Honestly, I did not know the answer to your question.  I have never had extensions!  So, I called up my dear friend Vicky Seapker at In Vu Hair Salon in Franklin, TN.  She told me that it is indeed possible to be allergic to the hair, even when it is human hair.  As a matter of fact, she said that she suffers from this same problem and it seems to happen more often when it is human hair, rather than synthetic. 

First of all, Vicky said this stage in the process, while miserable, will pass.  Then, she was kind enough to offer us some solutions:

1.  Shampoo and condition your hair.

2.  Apply an astringent such as Sea Breeze to your itching scalp.

3.  Follow up with a leave in conditioner (since the Sea Breeze can be drying.)

I hope this helps!  It is interesting to note that when I asked Vicky if she still gets extensions (I had never seen her with them) she replied, “No.  It just wasn’t worth it to me.  I have gotten them for several years.”

So….while the itchiness may pass, and there are things you can do to provide relief, in the end you may find that those long tresses just are not worth the cost…

In more ways than one.

Best,

Sherri

In Vu Hair Salon is located in Franklin, TN.  The stylist mentioned is Vicky Hopkins-Seapker and she is wonderful.  Here is the contact info for the salon:

615-377-5090

1585 Mallory Lane, Suite 202 Brentwood, TN 37027